What Matters Most?

I just gave my final Relief Society Lesson on Sunday. It was President Uchdorf’s talk “Of Things That Matter Most”. What an amazing talk it was! Fortunately for me, it is one of those talks that easily leads to discussion, and we had loads of it. Always makes a lesson so much better.

The talk was about prioritizing our life. It is so easy to over schedule our lives, be juggling so many balls at once, that we forget to do the most basic—yet most important—things in life. He quoted from Elder Oaks’ inspiring talk “Good, Better, Best”. In it, he speaks of choosing the best things to fill our time with. There will be times when we are going good things, but there are even better or best things we might be doing instead. I have often thought of the hours of my day, and how I fill them. I clean a lot. My house gets dirty very, very quickly. Keeping a clean home is good,but isn’t teaching my kids to clean a better way to get my house cleaned? Wouldn’t it be best if we cleaned it all together, and then used our free time to do family activities that bring us closer together and ultimately, closer to God? Well, that’s not always easy to do, and it’s even easier to justify our favorite activities instead.

Everyone’s priorities and needs are different, so there is no one-size-fits-all here. However, the key point to finding the best in all things, and focusing on the things that matter most is to ask one question: does this lead me closer to God? I love blogging and reading other blogs, but is it really the best use of my time? I use my blog as a family scrapbook, and a way to keep in touch with friends and communicate with others, so I feel it’s important. But how much time am I wasting away? Aren’t there more important things I can be doing?

Yes, I know there are.

There was a recurring theme throughout the talk about discovering who you are and what you are. Of realizing your strengths, weaknesses and being realistic with what you can and cannot do. I truly believe that there is a real pressure on women to be everything to everyone. There is a hilarious poem called “Girl in the Whirl” that you can read here. I called that girl “Perfect Patty”, and then a gal in the room said: “ I hear Perfect Patty is a compulsive liar!” I think we compare ourselves to others far too much, feel guilty that we can’t do it all, because TV, magazines and certain blogs tell us we can, we should, and if we don't, well, something's wrong.

I believe this scripture is the answer to this problem.

Mosiah 4: 27

“And see that all these things are done in wisdom and order; for it is not requisite that a man should run faster than he has strength. And again, it is expedient that he should be diligent, that thereby he might win the prize; therefore, all things must be done in order.”

Shawn and I like to go sea doing. He loves to go as fast as he can. I don’t. When I am on the lake, I am hypersensitive to the dangers of sea-dooing with kids. I am watching the water for waves, scanning the horizon for boats and debris, making sure everyone is okay. When I go as fast as Shawn wants me to, I feel overwhelmed and unable to process all of the things I need to do to keep us safe and make our ride enjoyable. I know my speed limit and am comfortable there. Others go much faster than I do, and that’s okay. I am fine with my speed limit. I enjoy being there.

I need to apply this analogy to my life. Others can lug around 5 kids and volunteer in each of their children's class, take photography classes, keep to a schedule, garden, get out with friends, craft, exercise…whatever it is “they” do. I have to view my role as Mom just as I view my sea dooing limits. I need to know what I am and am not capable of, and stop feeling guilty or jealous if it doesn’t coincide with someone that I think “does it all”.

I am working on enjoying being “there” and in the moment.

There are times in my life where I have run, and been busy, busy, busy and been able to get it all done. I was on top of my game, and doing many good things. When I became pregnant with Luke, I was so very sick. I didn’t go to Church for 5 months or do 99% of anything because of how severe my morning sickness was. I felt like a failure because women everywhere refused to let pregnancy slow them down. I could do nothing, and it wasn’t fun, but I knew it was not the time or season to be productive. The best thing I could do, was to take care of myself and the baby. It was a good lesson to learn. And yet, I forget it sometimes. I think I should be doing so much more—namely what everyone else seems to be doing.

I just love this quote: "We women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives. We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us. We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. We have to learn to be content with what we are." -Marjorie Pay Hinckley

When will I learn to stop trying to prove something to myself? Because I really don’t think anyone else notices or cares. As I realize that I don’t need to prove anything to anyone, the things that are most important to me—the best things—are easier for me to see. It’s easier to focus on the things that matter most because I can identify them, as opposed to guessing what they should be based on what I see others doing.

The final part of President Uchdorf’s talk was about returning to the basics in order to find what matters most to us. He explained that the basics are relationships! That is pretty basic. In order of most important:

Our relationship with God

Our relationship with family

Our relationship with our fellowman

Our relationship with our self

Once again, in each relationship, we are to ask ourselves if this brings us closer to God. If it does then we are doing it right, if it doesn’t, then we need to change and improve.

I absolutely loved this talk. I found it to be so full of inspiration and love. This world is chaotic. Life can be overwhelming. Luckily, I can control how much chaos I allow into my life, so that I don’t have to be so overwhelmed. It’s hard to do, and requires a maturity that I have been lacking. I am so grateful for the Scriptures and the words of Apostles of God to help me see clearly who I am and what I am. I need that guidance to prioritize my life.

I really encourage you to read both President Uchdorf’s and Elder Oaks’ talks. They are life changers.

Polar Bear Club in the drainage ditch

It rained an entire day straight here.  The ground just can’t handle it.  There are all these areas around home developments that are big bowl type areas—some are grassy like ours, and others are just gravel and minimal landscaping.  They are there for monsoon floods and rare days like this one that rained and rained.  The next day the kids could not believe their eyes when they went outside.  We suddenly had multiple lakes surrounding us.  Being that they had brand new Christmas bikes, they set off to explore. 
It was bitter cold, and for Phoenix, that was about 43 degrees.  Windy, dry and cold.  The wind found it’s way into every tiny opening into your clothes.  I was not keen on going out, but all the kids were, so I bundled them up best I could, and braved it.
“For the children”
The water was probably at least 2 feet deep at the deepest point by the tree.  Brrrrr.

But that didn't’ stop Seth from riding onto the island and feeling brave.  Dude, crazy stuff like that is Cole’s area.  I need Seth to remain more grounded and the voice of reason.  I can’t have all my children rushing toward insanity at the same time.  They’ll run me over.

There was a cop car parked along the road, with the cop staring at us.  He was probably debating whether or not to call CPS on a mother who kept taking pictures of her children playing in freezing water.  We took 2 more shots and left to go to the smaller pond behind our mailboxes where Der Polizei could not see us.  That is ice on the water closest to the gravel. I do not know how the boys thought this was fun, but it rivaled their joy of Christmas morning.

As day follows night, so Cole had to get wet.  I am very upset with myself, but I did not take pictures of him swimming in the water.  He ran over to me telling me was going to fall back into the water, but I didn’t believe him.  He did, dunked his head under, swam about 5 strokes and got out.  WHAT THE FREAK????

And because Luke is Cole’s identical twin in all ways just separated by 7 years at birth, he got wet, too.  That smile is genuine—genuinely enjoying mommy’s shrieks to get out of that water now, Luke!
 
The next day as we drove somewhere or another, we found another little drainage area and it was all iced over.  Naturally we had to stop and check it out, in flip flops.  The boys walked on the ice only to discover that it wasn’t a pond.  No water was under the ice.  It was just a thin frozen layer and air underneath.  They called it glass, and that is exactly what it reminded me of, too.  I like how you can see the tiny blades of grass poking through the ice.  I started singing Gloria Gaynor’s song “I Will Survive”, which made Cole exclaim:  “Mom, you are a weirdo.”
 
Who’s weirder?  The person who see’s the great struggle of life in nature, and is inspired to sing, or the kid who thinks swimming fully clothed in a freezing puddle the day after Christmas is fun?  I leave it up to you to decide which camp you wish to join.
  
A lot of really cool atmospheric days, with amazing clouds followed.  It even snowed one day.  For about 2 minutes, tiny white dots came down.  When the boys realized that they couldn’t grab a snowflake or taste one (they melted instantly) they lost interest.  It was so cold, but also really cool to see and a nice change from blue skies, 70 degrees.  I know come June, I’ll be dying to relive this cold, cold day.

The kids all sat in a bath for an hour, then the shower for another 30 minutes.  I did a lot of laundry for the next day.  But it was worth it.  Talk about fun…and an awesome memory.

These are a few of my favorite things

Here is the post-Christmas wrap up in pictures:

Which to choose? Luke already ate the kisses inside all of that foil.

The kids all seemed to play happily together more this week than any other. Christmas Cheer to everyone!

And my favorite, the Little Mommy.

Too much rich food, as much playing and happiness as possible, and very tired children.

Merry, Merry Christmas!

Highs and Lows December 26, 2010

Lows:

Luke's eardrum burst, and the poor kid was in extreme misery. Dragged all 4 to another Doctor's appointment, got the meds for the pathetic little guy and realized why he screamed for so long in the car ride home from California.

Kids home from school, so naturally it is all fighting, all the time.

Losing my ATM card. I called the back to cancel it only to be told someone had already spent $900.00 at Albertson's!! I felt so violated. Then Shawn called to tell me he was the one who used it at Albertson's so I need to call the bank back and tell them basically my husband and I don't communicate properly and I am a total idiot. ( I didn't think it was possible to spend that kind of $$ at a grocery store, but Shawn used it to buy gift card's for employees, and there are over 60 of them, so it makes sense now. Still--major hassle.)

I have yet to send out any Christmas cards. They are sitting on my desk. Tomorrow, I promise, tomorrow.

Starting the wrapping on Christmas Eve at 10:45 pm (Cole refused to sleep or stay in bed) and not finishing until 2:00 am. Shawn did help, but he also had to drive over to the neighbors and get the bikes we were hiding from the kids out of their garage.

Being released from Teaching Relief Society. I taught all of 2 times--quickest ever call and release. I love Relief Society, even though I stressed heavily over the teaching. I am now in the Primary Presidency. I don't know anything about Primary, sharing time...zilch. I have a strong feeling my kids (namely Seth) will have major acting out problems now that I will be in Primary with him.

The reason I feel that Seth will be a problem child is that I visited Sharing Time today and he was a rude little pest. But the worst part, and prepare yourself for this: Seth's eacher informed Shawn after Church that while playing Bible Hang Man, Seth spelled out the
F-word. Can you say "Black Sheep" of the Primary? Low, Low, Low point.

HIGHS:

Christmas! It was really nice, nothing at all like last year.

Our first Christmas all on our own. We started a tradition of having a Dance Party. We danced and had fun. Shawn and I slow danced. We haven't danced since our wedding 12 years ago. We also lit a bunch of fireworks...the boys were in heaven, but Sugar hid behind me the entire time.

The kids all got bikes and they are a big hit. They have to be pulled from them everyday: AMEN!!!

I got a new camera, so hopefully these fuzzy iPhone pictures will be a thing of the past.

I'll miss the Christmas spirit, but I am glad the stress and hussle and bussle of the holiday is behind us.

Christmas from the I phone

One of the problems with not having a camera is that I sometimes forget to take pictures with my phone, or I leave my phone somewhere else. I had to use Shawn’s phone a few times, and I have yet to get his phone long enough to email pictures to myself or download them. These are the last of the Christmas pictures, and are thrown in randomly.

Santa Claus came to the Christmas party at Scottsdale Nursing and Rehab. The kids had a long interview with him and let me tell you, he was the real deal. He let them feel his “bowl full of jelly” stomach, and pull on the beard. He gave them some awesome advice, like leaving a bucket of water and sliced apples out back for the reindeer. The kids were hanging on his every word. It was quite the magical moment. They came away from that discussion with Santa as devout believers.

Sugar and Luke helped Shawn pass out presents to the residents. One lady gave her purse to Sugar, who couldn't’ tell it was a purse so she wasn’t too thrilled with the gift.

While in California for Shawn’s work party, we had family Christmas parties as well.

I searched and searched for those pictures, then finally remembered I used my brother’s camera and will thus never see those pictures. I had some SWEET pictures, too. I really wanted to show the world’s greatest sugar cookies, made by this divine catering company/restaurant in Brea called “Alicia’s”, but just take my word for it—they were great. And you only have my word, since I ate pretty much all of them. Oink oink.

This is the picture of the grandkids, red eye and all. And to no one’s amazement, Brett and Lisa told us #7 will be making it’s debuting this summer. I’m betting it’s a girl.

The next day, at Shawn’s family party, everyone played nicely, and I’m talking adults. Morgan practiced her voodoo of pulling our spirits out of our hands. Those kinds of things—rubbing and pinching my fingers, along with someone playing with my hair—puts me to sleep and I love it. I sat there for an hour asking her to do it again and again. She was dressed up like Cindy Who from Whoville, by the way. Quite the hair-do!

The funniest part was watching Tanner watching Luke. I like to call Tanner “Justin Beiber”. He likes it a little, and gets embarrassed by it a lot, but that’s the look he's going for, so he can’t complain. Tanner had just received this cool helicopter. He was nice enough to let Luke hold it and play with it. The second picture I took was after Luke asked Tanner for at least the 20th time: “What’s that?” And Tanner kept answering: “A helicopter”. He just didn’t quite understand that Luke is 2, and 2 is all about repetition, repetition, repetition. I just love the look of incredulity on Tanner’s face as he answers Luke for the 21st time.

And last and least, I finally located our Christmas Eve pajama picture. I was even included—I felt so loved. There was no cohesive theme or matchy sets, which I do love on kids, but new jammies they are. Everyone was pleased, even Cole who is a heater and 362 days out of the year will not wear long sleeved, long legged pjs to bed.

Christmas Day

Once again, Christmas Day dawned bright and early. We always try to get the kids to stay in bed until 8 am, but now that we have a one story house, we can’t just ban them from going downstairs. This picture is so typical because Shawn is huddled under his blanket by the couch. There, but not a part of anything. The kids pestered him to start putting things together, so he had to get out of his cocoon.

Of course the big gifts were the bikes, and everyone was so excited. After they checked out the bikes, they noticed the presents still to be unwrapped. Cole was pleased with this weird bio-feedback type game called “Mindlfex”, Sugar was overjoyed with a $3.00 puzzle (yay!) and Seth got the big Star Wars Lego kit he had at the top of his list.

I loved this picture because everyone was so busy checking for more presents while Luke was discovering his new baby doll. Santa gave him two. Shawn wasn’t so pleased, but we all thought it was cute and the main thing was Luke was happy.

The whole gang on their bikes…except for Luke who preferred his old plasma car. It does go a lot faster than that inch worm thing. It was a cold Christmas morning—about 38 degrees—but the kids were warmed by their excitement and didn’t need any jackets. They just wanted to get on those bikes outside!

And that is pure joy. Thank you Santa! Merry Christmas!!

Merry Christmas!! This is the best present of all!!

dear mom,merry christmas!

i love you from the core of the earth to a galaxy far,far, away.

happy new year,too!and happy birthday!

love,seth.

I would channel my inner Diva Designer but I don’t think I have one

The first time I visited Shawn at work, we went into his office to talk. I call it the dungeon, since there is no window, and it is overcrowded and far too small to function. However, I sat in these chairs that I really liked. I told him if he was going to get rid of them, I wanted them. He looked at me, then the chairs, and asked “These chairs? Why? They are ugly.” Well, yes, they are. But only in terms of upholstery and chipped paint.

As far as the design of the chair, they are divine.

Last week, he brought these chairs home. He wasn’t too happy, but he was a good husband. I love Shawn!!

I had no idea what these chairs were called, what period they were from, or what a classic should look like. I am not one of those people who can label furniture…my Mom can, but that trait is not hereditary, it’s learned, and I never really took time to learn it. The chair below is called a Bergere Cane Conservatory Armchair Fireside Tub Chair. It is fairly similar to my own above.

I know what I like—modern eclectic—but that will never happen in this house with Shawn, who likes very traditional, and my kids, who would destroy the amounts of glass and mirrors I would want. I would love to have a room decorated in charcoals, silvers and purples, all hazy and hinted at here and there—no bold colors. I would like the colors of the room to change with the change of light coming through the windows throughout the day. I would like a couch with straight, clean lines,—no armrests-- and then curvy, interesting chairs like these next to it. I would like a little of this, a little of that, but a whole lot of cohesion that I most likely would need to get from a professional. I don’t like country, pine and Pottery Barn. (If you have these in your home, I’m sure they look lovely.)

These chairs are called Tub Chairs and here are a few examples:

This black leather chair looks like an office chair. These salmon pink things look like something out of Liberace’s house…bleh!

These chairs have more of the cane like mine. I love things accented in black, especially light brown or natural colors. However, my problem other than the obvious one that I have zero refinishing skills, is where to put these chairs when they are done? My living room is small and filled with the furniture we have, my bedroom cannot accommodate any more furniture….I’m thinking of putting one in Brooke’s room. They are rather diminutive chairs. I’m also toying with the idea of placing both in the piano room on either side of my doll cabinet. It would really balance the room. If they go in Sugar’s room they would be painted white with some kind of pink/white/green cushion and pillow. If they go near the piano, they would be a walnut color, and the upholstery would need to match the earth tones I have going on in there.

Design Dilemma!!!!

I’m obviously worrying abut the final details, when I should be trying to figure out how to refinish a chair.

What I really should do, is ask for HELP!!! HELP ME, PLEASE!!!!

What would you do? Do you know how to refinish furniture?

Any pointers or suggestions?

Do you even like these chairs or are they not your style at all?

Christmas Eve

As it was our first Christmas with no extended family, we tried hard to think of some traditions that would make it special for us. I concentrated on food and reading the nativity story from Luke 2, and Shawn concentrated on gifts and fun. The food was good, but as usual, the kids all ate about 5 bites, and then excitement dashed away the appetite. We then moved on to the rest of the evening. The kids got to choose a tradition that they would like to start, and they chose having a dance party. Mainly Sugar, Luke and Seth danced. Then clothes started coming off, and Luke and Sugar were naked, and Cole and SEth danced in their underwear. We’ll have to work on keeping this tradition one in which everyone remains dressed, but it sure was fun!

After that, we had the ubiquitous Christmas pajamas to unwrap. I love the serious attention the kids are giving to Shawn. I never see that kind of obedient listening to me! I also got some pajamas—I am always in need of them.

After the pajamas were on (where is that picture???) Shawn told the kids his tradition was to light fireworks. This is the kids getting to choose their own 5 firework. Don’t worry—Shawn was the fire master. No kids allowed to touch anything once we went outside. We all huddled together it was soo cold. Once back inside, we made a plate for Santa and put a bucket with water and apples out back for the reindeer.

We opened the Bible, read the story of Christ’s birth, and had a nice discussion on the true meaning of Christmas. By now it was 9:30, and the kids were so frantic for Santa that it was driving my nuts. Every 2 minutes they ran to the computer to check the Norad Santa tracker. The consensus was always: “He’s getting closer!” No way.

By 10 pm everyone was asleep but Cole. By 10:30 he was out. Then the wrapping marathon began. We watched “A Christmas Story” and finished wrapping when it finished. I was dead on my feet tired, but also so excited for the kids to see everything Christmas morning.

My favorite moment of the night:

Merry Christmas!

Road Trip and inappropriate mocking of others

Back to California we went for a work Christmas party and then parties with both sides of the family. We were smarter this time and left by 10 am. Well, we were forced to be smart since we had to drop off the kids in Orange, then make it down to Laguna for the work party that started at 6. This was by far the best car trip we’ve taken. We only had to stop once, Luke slept for over an hour, and the kids didn’t fight as much. I always drive on long trips. Shawn always has to work, even in the car, and he gets car sick if he reads, so it just works out for me to drive. I liked this trip because I listened to all sorts of lectures on You Tube by Thomas Sowell, Dennis Prager and then, for comedy, a little Brian Regan. No complaints from me.

We dropped off the kids and Shawn suddenly decided that my clothes I brought were not appropriate for the party and took me shopping at Nordstrom’s on the way to Laguna. We looked like bums walking in there. All crumpled from driving, really bad hair, and wearing ugly but comfy road trip clothes. When I told the sale’s girl that I needed a formal dress with sleeves for a black tie event that started in less than 2 hours, her eyes just about popped out of her head. Let me tell you about dresses this season: INCREDIBLY short. The long dresses looked like something Alexis Carrington might have worn in like 1984. Not working for me.

Shawn found this awesome black taffeta skirt that even in my 3 inch heels swept the floor, and this cool brown metallic shirt that had a knot tied at the waist to give everyone the illusion that I acutally do have a waist. I thought: no way, but it looked really cool together. We bought it, I was upset at spending that much money on a thing I’ll wear once, and we hit the road. It was a glorious view of the ocean as we turned onto PCH. Ahh, the smell of the ocean. I can’t get enough of that!

We missed the sunset by about 15 minutes. We were told it was spectacular. Of course.

We had an awesome room with a great view. My three favorite things about the Montage were: they courtesy delivered us some Martinelli’s; the turn down service included a chocolate on each pillow and a robe and slippers on each side of the bed. I’ve really been toying with the idea of teaching my kids to do a turn down service for me every night.

The third great thing about this room was the bathtub. I usually never take baths in bathtubs I haven’t personally cleaned. Most bathtubs have mold in the caulking and ring around the tub—even in hotels—and that just grosses me out while I’m sitting in all this water filled with who knows what germs and gunk. This one was pristine. And it had that cool faucet that you can move around and rinse out your hair without having to dunk under the water. I was in heaven!!

This was our shot of us toasting to ourselves and being alone for one night.

We only had our iphones, so we didn’t get any pictures of the party or our friends. Oh, and let me not forget the amazing dinner. Let me tell you, there was a lot to see here. I would have loved to show you the dresses—ranging from princess with gloves, Maharatma harem girl with a sheer scarf to play peek a boo with the open back that plunged down to her butt, and finally to the corner hooker, with tattoos and the biggest real boobs I have ever seen. You know they’re real when they jiggle like Jell-O.

Since my back was still really bad, we didn’t dance. But I did sit next to the dance floor and play a game with another girl who was pregnant and not dancing. Our game was: “Guess which woman’s boobs pop out of her strapless shirt first.” And there were at least 5 contenders. Someone told us one of the gals had double taped her tube top so she wouldn't have any wardrobe malfunctions while dancing. I have to wonder what goes through a woman’s head when she decides to wear a tube top to a black tie event. Maybe I don’t want to know. But you would have enjoyed the pictures…probably because you couldn’t believe it unless I showed you.

Those gals would have given Dog’s wife a run for her money.